The last post of this chapter

AC vs DC power

This journey i'm on is great.  The discovery of self which is really the discovering of God's heart.  It's been good.  I thank God for the days he opens up just a little bit of his heart for me to catch a glimps.   Like the smell of my mom's roast she would up into a crock pot while we slept.  We went to bed smelling nothing, then the smell would grow gradually, until when we woke up, that smell was all there was in the house.   I keep getting wafts of the essense of God's heart...his full love for us and i cant wait until morning comes!

Today as I was seeking after Him, he made me sit and ponder on the body and the spiritual nature within it.  This, that we see, being a shell to house that which is eternal.  A vessel of sorts that we spend much of our life maintaining only that we can live a few more short years away from the fullness of God!  It's almost enough to make me stop going to the gym!  But, we still must be good stewards of that which he's blessed us with.  This tent of skin has a way of confusing us into thinking...this...that we see...is it!  Leaving our minds to further ration, if this is it, then why am i not living out life to the fullest, Sucking the Marrow out of life, as Throreau put it. 

We can't see it that way.  We must not see it that way!   We can not allow ourselves to be blinded by our own vessells to think that this spirit, a sanctified spirit, that lives within us does not have a vested intrest in what happens.  That holy spirit that was placed in us, desires our connection with God.  The connection that we too, desire. 

This train of though led me outside to our front stoop, and finally, after months of processing it came out...the question..."So...why does God love us?  If he is God...what good is it for him to love us?"  If you step back and look at the salvation story, God has been chasing after us for year...THOUSANDS of years.  It is his final plan to bring us back into full connection with him.  First in the garden, then through the law, then through Christ and finally with a new earth and the restablishment of the garden's communion with God and man.  He is in the business of redemption...by WHY? 

Is it not enough for God to create all the stars....billions of light years away...or the millions of trees to speckle the earth, or how bout the midocondreal RNA who house the recipie of the DNA a process so intricate it would be nearly impossible for humans to reproduce.  Is this not enough?  Is it not enough that he can flood the earth with a word, or move mountains, dry up seas....destroy anything he wishes...Is that...really...not enough?  I mean, if i were God...I would pretty much stopped on day 4 or creation.  Why?  Because I'm God!  Why would i want more than that....but our God didnt...he continued on to day 6...and in comes...you and me. 

So, why would a God who would be prefectly God without us still want to finish the job into day 6?  These were my thoughts today on the stoop looking at the trees blowing in the wind across the street.  Then further in the distance the mountains that screamed out his glory, or right beside me the beutiful flower blooming on this crazy plant we have growing infront of our house.  These all scream out God...yet...it is me that completes His glory. 

You see, all those things do protrait the greatness of God, the mountains, trees, flowers.  But it's me and you that complete the Glory that is God.  God would still be God without us.  His name would still be worthy of praise after the creation of all that is, minus man.  It is with man, though, that God finishes the equation of love and with that completes the full circute of His glory.

John Piper puts it this way : God is most glorfied in us when we are most satisifed in him.  It's a give, give relationship.  God gives his all to us, and we give our all to him...we both win, both servants.  Christ to his Bride the church, and us to the one who brought us salvation. 

Incredible, huh!  We are loved....very much loved...why?  Because God wanted us to be complete in him.  By being complete in him, he is thusly completed in us through his glory being shown through our lives. 

That's some pretty heavy stuf.  I'm not going to venture into the appoligtics of all if.  I'm sure its horribly difficult.  But thats where i am as of today.   We'll see how things are tomorrow.

Aichmalotos

God in all his greatness finds times in our lives to stay completely silent as we meander through life's calamities.  Others, He speaks clearly and directly to the core of our soul, to awaken it to his purpose.   The later has been my reality as of late.

This journey began out of ill fate, the which i care not to delve into it.  The leading of this journey, though, was nothing short of God in his personal spirit coming along side my debacles life to guide me into an understand of Him. I on my own terms would have searched lifetimes for this understanding only to come up empty handed.  Rather, God handed this knowledge of his person to me.  Not that I had anything to do with this turn over.  No, for he found me in my worst conditions.  Only there, did he remind me of who i was, and where I belonged. 

The concept is simple.  Faith.  We spatter out words such as these and many other pseudotheological words around friends of belief, only to rest at the end of the day and further our lives, with no such mental understanding of those words.  Rushing here and there, and looking over these things which we think we have a grasp over only because of the repetition beat into our lives of these terms; faith, hope, love.  Do we really grasp the core of those concepts!  Or do we feel we are entitled to their understanding out of our modernized society and sievelike interaction, lest we sit and think.

As God was leading me upon my journey, the brought to my discovery the concept of Faith.  The centerpiece of all of his working, he decided to teach me how it worked.  And this is how it unfolded.  As put by Andy Stanley:  If I were to go to a restaurant to have lunch with you tomorrow.  I would take my seat at a table, be handed a menu and offered a drink.  Upon accepting the drink, I would then sit across the table to an empty seat, with the Hope  that you would be joining me.  What then, would transform such Hope into Faith that you would soon be arriving.  A conversation.  Either by phone, email or previous face to face interchange.  This communication would take the hope of me having lunch with you into the world of Faith that I would soon be sitting across the table to a dear friend enjoying conversation.

In dealing with our personal walks, How often do we stop with Hope.  Do we Hope that God really is going to do what he said he was going to do?  Do we Hope that Christ really died for our sins?  Do we Hope that he really does love us as much as the bible claims?  My fear is, that is as far as we allow ourselves to travel.  That is my case at least.  I sit on the banks of hope looking out on the sea of faith, wondering if it is real. If what Christ talked about was an actual experience to be taken part in.  I stand then, walk off the banks of hope, down the peir of belief and board the ship of trust to set sail into an adventure I would not have any other way. 

We must grapple with the concept of God's word being our end.  It is the vessel in which we set sail into a life of faith.  Without this abandonment of self, we resolve to sit idly by waiting on our own prideful ambitions to manifest themselves into the fulfilment of faith our soul so despairingly longs for.  But it does not!  We can not create such satisfaction in our souls waiting for our own understandings to meet God in his infinite wisdom.  There must be a point in which we tell ourselves, God IS who he said he IS!  Though our brains exhaust themselves with wrapping themselves around such a concept, our souls long for the freedom the step of trust into faith creates.

So there, you walk from hope over the bridge of belief onto the ship of trust to venture out into faith. 

And in faith.......my world became unhinged.

Faith was the key to fully understanding God's incredible love.  Check this out:

The LORD your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing  Zep 3:17

"God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Much more then, having now been justified by His blood, we shall be saved from wrath through Him. For if when we were enemies we were reconciled to God through the death of His Son, much more, having been reconciled, we shall be saved by His life."  Romans 5:8-10

 love those who love me, and those who seek me find me. - Proverbs 8:17

This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. – 1 John 4:9-11

"He brought me out into an open place; He rescued me because He delighted in me." -Psalm 18:20

But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions-- it is by grace you have been saved. And God raised us up with Christ and seated us with him in the heavenly realms in Christ Jesus, in order that in the coming ages he might show the incomparable riches of his grace, expressed in his kindness to us in Christ Jesus. Eph 2:4-7

Just let those verses sink deep within you.  Stop reading them and READ them.  This is truth.  This is his word spoken to us.  Yes, they are excepts and if you really want to argue that they may be taken out of context, I shall engage you in such a debate.  I'll meet you at a restaurant to discuss this matter.  Do not be waiting on a phone call of confirmation.  But look up on these words.  Words from our God who looks down upon us with such delight!  This is the God we serve!  OUR GOD LOVES US!  This egg was cracked fully open for me when he led me to understand faith in its roll in this journey.  Without faith, understanding these passages to their fullest extent is impossible!  We must believe his word.  What He says is true and what that means for us!  We are his children!!!

Unlocked are the realities of this world.  What now shall hold me back from flying through the sky!  For it is by Christ and his saving work that I breath today.  A breath of grace provided through mercy as an expression of LOVE.  My God loves me to the fullest I will ever want or need or desire.  Today he loves me just as much as tomorrow or yesterday, regardless of what i do, have done or will do.  His love is unconventional, and He says he LOVES ME! 

This is incredible stuff!  Really!  My God is passionately involved in my life.  Let me serve Him without regard for myself, why?  Because it is through him that I am finally, free.  Oh what grace abounds!  Each day full of his working, and we rush by it all.  For our own prosperity.  That we should LIVE!  When in fact, our death comes in the undertaking of our own salvation.  For we can not save ourselves from our own destruction.  We are helpless, we are...though, His.  Oh, and the freedom in slavery to the King. 

I no longer desire kingdoms.  I no longer desire lands.  My desire is the captivity of Christ and in the shackles of his service I wish to remain. 

Who Am I?

A Sinner. Even on my best days sin is still lurking and it is within me to fall toward it.  My body loves sin.  It loves to give into indulgences that strip my hopes and ambitions of ever departing from its nature.  I am at my core a sinful creation.  Born into this nature.  Not because of anything i did prior to birth, rather it is my roll as a part of Humanity.  I live, I breathe, I sleep, and I sin.  It's as much a part of me as my arm or leg. 

As I look at the road ahead, and even in my day to day, my heart dreams of the time without  sin.  It is unrealized and I drift back into that which i came.  I am a sinner.  Thanks to my father of fathers, Adam.  His sin was passed to me.  Now the seperation that I have from holiness, I must struggle with.  Thse story did not strop with Adam.  No, it was the beginning of the redemption plan.  This desire within me to do good is from our God.  This God vowed through Abraham to be the God of his children.  He walked with them from Abraham to Issac down to Joseph who brought the growing family to Egypt to avoid a famine in the land.  there as God foretold in Genisis 15 they were put into slavery and kept there 400 yrs until Moses delivered them and God established a covenant with His new nation.  He was their God, there was no other!

Through the law, we were given apathy to righteousness.  That hope of deparing from the sin nature was finally realized, yet no prefected.  As the nation, Isreal came and was given over time after time to capturs, the Jewish nation never truely learned that God, their God was in a master plan to get their attention.  He created the universe, He HAD to be in the middle of their lives because He was their God.  To bridge this gap to final completion, the ultimate had to be done, He had to stand in for the redemption of the sin nature.  Adam's mess up forced God to take on all of the world's sin.  Through Jesus, the problem of sin was finally eliminated.  He took all sin once and for all and with him the law was completed, the gap was bridged.

And now, I, a sinner,am given and option, "Do I really want to realize this righteousness my spirit yearns, even cryies out for?  or shall I continue in this sin nature?"  There is, though, a price that must be paid regardless of the path.  That price, my death.  For the wages of sin is death, but also the wages for righteousness is death.  Yet, the difference is found in the life created from death.  If i die in sin, then that is all.  Death to myself through righteousness, produces life!  Here's the kicker...I dont have to pay for the path of Righteousness!!  I get life, and that price has already been paid for me!  It is a gift from Christ!  The Mercy of God sent Christ as a sacrifice for me...How does Grace work in this?  It was a gift unearned from God, I DID NOT DESERVE THE SACRIFICE OF CHRIST!

It was Grace tthat paved the way for my acceptance of what He did.  Grace connects christ's death for my sin nature and allows me to pursue rigteiousness.  Grace busted open the door to find me within my own confinesc a dark room of my own selfsih desires. Grace threw on the light and found me!  Christ saved me from death.  I have accepted this salvation and now I have the freedom, as a slave to Christ, and his glory, to turn from sin; It is not my capture.  Grace found me!! Now it is Christ's working through me.  Grace from the God of creation that draws my spirit close to His.  That melds my heart along side His nature to whisper the words my spirit has been wanting to hear since creation...you are forgiven...you are Mine!

You must...

There Comes a time in everymans life...when the dreams of boyhood fade into the reality of adulthood.   When things start happening...your voice changes, you start to drive, you realize you can now drink with your buddies...

No wait...thats now what i'm wanting to talk about. 

I want to talk about my spiritual life.  Yeah, there comes a time in everyone's spiritual life in which a choice has to be made.  Well...actually lets back up even further.....Ok, the first choice, Is there a God?  of course there is....i sort of lambasted a good friend of mine (athiest) who was tring to convience me it was impossible.  I had to applogize for that approach.  I'm still learning alot about evangelism.  Ok, so, God...yeah...he exsists...you can't argue that one successfully.  So with that assumption and then a truck load of other assumptions...You know...scratch all that.........

There comes a time in your christian walk when you have to make a choice.  You're continuing to mature, God is real to you...but there is one thing that hangs you up.  Belief.  Sure you grew up hearing the stories, sure you have commited your life to Christ and believe he died for your sins.  That's the easy stuff.  Now, the harder stuff...do you really BELIEVE God has your best intrest at heart?  and further...do you BELIEVE that the Bible is an actual letter in which to instruct us how to live this insanely fragile thing we call Life.

Believing that God is who he says he is, and he has done what he says he's done and then, he's doing and will do what he said he is going and is doing....Thats pretty tough.  Because if you really do believe that, there are reprecusions...we have to obey him!

For the past couple years I've been in Asheville.  An incredible deviation from the plans I had set forth 3 yrs ago.  I was going to seminary to be a good little minister, work in a church and love God the restof my life!  Yippy!!  Well, God, thankfully, had another plan.  Through prayer and the wise direction of some friends, instead of going on to seminary, i stayed in Asheville.  This sort of bumfumbled a good many of my close friends.  I had many a conversation telling me that what I was doing was disobedient to my 'calling' and in a way...it did 'feel' that way, but there was such an urging on my soul at that time to stay, I could not return to seminary with this huge question mark in my life.

These 2 yrs have been quite the ride.  I ended up getting a job at a restaurant that gave me an increidble network of friends, which is what I was praying for at the time.  And in so doing, I also began to see myself.  Rather...the darker side of myself.  I know I entered into a time in which I was going out everynight and felt it unatural when I was not at some party on a friday/saturday night.  It was a life that I had not lived, and would not have lived anywhere else, but here in Asheville, I had found that deep sense of belonging that I had so been looking for, a group of great friends who didnt care what you did, but they totally accepted whatever you were or who you were for what you were...it was...incredible.   But not really...at all. 

Though I fell into sin, it was not as drastic as it had been in past times in my life.  Through this i saw myself.  I saw a life that I could embrace and live but, it was so...empty.  Just a few nights ago, I was out with a friend, and in comes one of the guys from that restaurant...all strung out, just wanting some coffee to bring him back down.  And it just sort of struck me.  I mean, seriously, this was a GOOD guy!  He had some great things going for him, but for some reason, his desire to be known in the night life became his drive, to the end that this was the reputation he was gaining.  Was that to be my legacy? 

Grace came to my aid and allowed me to reflect on my lifestyle about a year or so ago.  That is when I came to this realization, I had to either Believe God at what he said, or discount the Bible to my spritual Clearence rack and forget but only the parts the bring me peace in the middle of the night.  This began and exploration, led by the spirit, into the heart of God.  Did he love me?  What did he think about me?  What is my response to those thoughts?  Who am I! 

At the end in finding God within the words of his book, I found...myself.  It wasnt in my friendships, what i was doing, how hard i was working...rather...i am found only in God, rather in God through the grace of Christ.  This led to my discovery...that this bible deal is, infact, true! 

It's sometimes, VERY hard to believe, but that is our task as believers.  To TRUST that this incredible father has maped out a plan that is far beyond the entrapments of this world.  He has set into word, readable, printable word! what his desires are for you and for me.  We can step back and debate it for years if the Bible is reliable, yadda yadda, but lets try this instead.  Lets take ahold of this incredible book, open it up and put into practice those things in which God speaks of.  Let's not debunk it with our own logic of, "well, that doesnt apply to me" or "that would not work in my situation" lets just do it!  What would happen if even a couple people started believe God at his word?  The world would be turned upside down!

There comes a time...in every person's life, when you have to decide,  will you really BELIEVE?  I do, though it's tough to swallow sometimes, that is my challenge, to TRUST a God who loves me far beyond my little brain can grasp.